Expressionism: I stopped pandering to likeability in a world of small boxes

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By Edinah Masanga

The world is supposed to be progressing I mean it’s 2018 but guess what we seem to be regressing more and more. And that has helped me find my voice in ways that I didn’t know existed inside of me.

I have become truer to myself and to the causes that I stand for.

I spent a long time being afraid to express – in speech or in writing – what I really thought because I was afraid that among my friends there was X who would probably get offended or XY who would think I was talking about them and so I tried to fit myself in between not offending the former and avoiding a sid-eye from the latter.

I worried a lot. And in the end, I became less and less able to express myself in my own voice in a way that I myself would believe. I tried to make myself into a certain version of me. A version that would never be able to be true to what I as an individual believes in.

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I would get angry at certain things and yet I would write things that would be palatable to certain people. In short, I was pandering to likeability.

But as with all things where you pretend to be someone else, you wear out easily. You lose energy, you lose steam because you are constantly stepping outside of your true self.

But luckily for me, the world became more and more fucked up so I could not continue to express myself in nuances. I had to engage the core of my being and tap into that energy that drives me as a person and use that to find words for my public expressions.

And once I started pouring out from my heart, more and more people started to listen because hearts connect easily with each other because after all we are emotional beings and we feel before we think.

 

 

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